Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
