I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
