Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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