did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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