I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
