I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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