He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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