So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
