meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
