I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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