I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
