you would pick up someone in the library
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
