I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize