I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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