Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize