I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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