Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize