My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
