May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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