I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
