I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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