I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
