I could make wine with my vomit
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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