You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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