I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
