I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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