I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
