Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
