my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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