She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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