Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
