my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
