Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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