what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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