This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
