we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
