She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
