I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
