I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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