Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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