Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
