I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
