This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
