I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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