week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
