I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
