oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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