Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
