I must be too annoying 4 u.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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