Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need a burrito and a hug.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
