So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
