We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
