i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
