I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
