No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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