We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
