Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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