That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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