I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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