Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
