Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
