She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
