why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize